Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
