You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
