We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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