I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
