I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
