i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just pee around me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
