I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
