we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
