Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize