So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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