dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
