I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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