4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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