im so drunk with asians
where?
always
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
