Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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