this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
