brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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