Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sex in a hospital.. check
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
