dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize