naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
