it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
