You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Come see our sink grown plant.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
