where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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