Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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