Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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