Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
