Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
