Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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