Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
