$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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