I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
