I just cut my nipple shaving
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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