Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
