Me too!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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