Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
