I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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