watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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