Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Congratulations! We have a period
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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