i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
