Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
