If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
