why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
