It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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