life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In other news, I just burned my penis
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
