I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
