I hope mine doesn't look like that
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
