Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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