If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
