it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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