ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
