before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
