just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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