I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize