So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
