today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
