She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
