I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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