dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
