I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
