never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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