Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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