Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
