i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
