I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
