...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
