hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
