I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
