I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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