I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
