I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
