Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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